"So, why do you want to be a priest?" This question actually has a corollary that goes something like, "What makes you think you're called to be a priest?" I guess we really have two $32,000 questions, neither of which has an easy, elevator speech answer.
As to the first, I want to be a priest because I love God and I love the Church. I know, there are an awful lot of people out there who share these loves, so I suppose the real question is: what is it about my love for God and the Church that goes beyond being satisfied with engaging in the wide range of ministries in which I have been active for years? That answer gets into the whole 'call' business.
In the Episcopal Church, the role of the priest is to be a pastor, priest and teacher, to bless, absolve and administer the sacraments, and to participate in the counsels of the Church. It's not a particularly detailed job description. However, knowing what the expectations are requires the suspension of self-effacement and the ability to state my strengths - a good preacher and teacher, administrative competence, and the ability to identify with people in all states of their life - birth to death and everything that falls in between.
But the real answer to this 'call' question flows from what I believe the Church to be. It's not a place. It's not a building. The location is simply where the Church gathers. And we gather there in community, just as Jesus' first act of ministry was to call together his community. We do this to hear the Word proclaimed, to learn, to worship, and to be strengthened for our service as the Church in the world. A central part of this takes place when we gather at the holy table and celebrate the Eucharist with our brothers and sisters. It is here that we partake of the mystical body and blood of Christ, an act of remembrance as well as a celebration of Christ's presence with us here and now. And it is from here that we are sent "out to do the work you have given us to do, to love and serve you as faithful witnesses of Christ our Lord" (BCP p. 366).
It is the priestly function to preside at this table, to baptize, to bless, and to pronounce the forgiveness of sins. My greatest desire, which I believe God has placed within me, is to be the one who holds this sacred story, proclaims it, lives it, and passes it on. It's not easy to actually say that because it is an awesome responsibility in the grandest sense of that word - it inspires awe in me.
Fortunately, this priestly call is not just up to me to identify. The traditions of the church require that this 'call' also be identified by the community in which I work and worship. I am blessed to have two parishes that are sending me forth into this ordination process, even though only one of them can be the official sponsoring parish. I am humbled to have so many believe that I am, indeed, called by God into service in the church. Thankfully, my bishop and his commission on ministry are also affirming of me, that I continue in the discernment process, attending seminary and continuing to meet with them as I move forward.
So, as difficult as it is to publicly talk about all of this (and believe me, I didn't let Tim even mention it for years as I was just beginning to think maybe I might be called into ministry!), don't let anyone tell you that there isn't some ego involved in this whole process. No one could possibility think that she is suitable for holy orders without having an inordinate amount of confidence in her abilities. The balance to this is that awe-struck humility that constantly whispers in my soul of the solemn and sacred obligation that comes with this calling. I still wrestle with all of this everyday and imagine that I will for the rest of my life. But for now, I am moving forward, heading off to my postulancy conference with the bishop and commission on ministry next week and then seminary in another month.
$64,000? That doesn't even come close to the value of this, so I'll steal a line from MasterCard: priceless.
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