50 years and 2 days

I think birthdays are to be celebrated, even my own. Even my (gulp) 50th! It's a pretty miraculous thing for us to even come into being from a bunch of random cells. For us to then survive and, hopefully, thrive is an achievement worth acknowledging. In my case, I can honestly say that, with every year, my life becomes more fulfilling and more meaningful. If I could somehow disregard that my son died at 24, my life would be just about as perfect as it could be. That's an impossible "if," I'm afraid.

I had long planned that for my 50th birthday, Tim and I would take my children Rachel and Seth and their significant others and/or spouses to Disneyworld for a week. I love that happiest place on earth and have been known to open the gates in the morning and lock them up at night. So this was something that I looked forward to with great anticipation. Seth's death changed all of that. There would be no going to Disney to celebrate my birthday, nor would Seth be around for any other celebrations at which his absence looms overwhelmingly large.

My husband, Tim, knew that he could not possibly replace Seth or my birthday plans. What he could do is to make sure I would be surrounded by those who love me on this momentous occasion, so he threw me a wildly surprising party and invited people that I love and that love me, and we ate and drank and many said some very, very nice things about me, and my tears of joy mixed with my tears of sadness. And best of all, Rachel flew home from San Diego to surprise me, too, and my joy was complete, or at least as complete as it will ever be on this side of heaven.

This may not sound much like church to you, but to me, this is what church is all about - people supporting each other and loving each other through thick and thin, helping to celebrate through the loss and finding joy in the presence of each other. If you want to know why I want to serve the church, this is why. At its best, the church is the kind of place where tears of joy mix with tears of sorrow, and we are all uplifted in love and a holy friendship.